Personal Blog of Mine

Unforgiven

2009-12-30T01:09:00.000-08:00

I am so hard to forgive. To beg for my forgiveness, people need more than a thousand efforts. I just can't forgive that easily. haha. Die la you in hell.

testing

2009-12-28T18:15:00.001-08:00

testing yo

I wonder

2009-09-05T21:06:00.000-07:00

I wonder why there are so many death among assemblyman here now in Malaysia. I never realized this trend before... but suddenly, there are around 7 or maybe 8 small elections were held because of death cases.

Is this a coincidence?

Anyway, i am feeling so great of being anti-social nowadays. Less hang out, less talking to person except my roomate, the next room mate, 2-3 of my posting colleagues, my girlfriend. Other than that, i don't bother about people anymore.

Sometimes i think that it is true that a consultant in hospital say to me that we will die alone, alone and alone when we became HO. I want to be ready for that. But, i guess i am not. maybe not in Pediatric. I was so afraid of approachng a children alone. As i say, i am a pedophobia. I don;t know why. My symptoms are reducing since i enter Pediatric junior posting last year. But this year, suddenly i realize that it is not. Maybe i am not suitable with kids. Some other people's kids.

I hate gangs you know. People might not know this, but i use to be in a gangs when i was in secondary school. I guess i cannot call it a gang because it was childish. And i still feel it that way today. So whenever i saw a gang, or a pattern of being a gang, i would feel disguist to them.

1 Malaysia is happening topic to be discuss today. Everywhere you would here people talking and mentioning 1Malaysia. I don't really understand what are they trying to do, unite people but i saw broken relation between races everyday. 1borneo is much more realistic i guess.

When refer to 1Malaysia, those people seem to refer this theory to other races. However, i guess Malay are the one who should be educate more to accept other races rather than other races acknowledging the power of malay and the need to live with Malays.

I never look at colours and origin of people. For me everyone is the same.

How innoncent i am when i enter first year medical school. It was the first time i met so many people from Semenanjung. I was so naive until one of my colleague from Semenanjung had to tell me that " In Semenanjung, chinese don't really want to be friend with a Malay". But i guess this is not true. It can be reversed. A malay don't want to be friend with a chinese. It is vice versa. For 5 years, then now came the solution and campaign of 1malaysia to try to stop this thing from happening, no..not from happening but to cure it.

Prevention is better than cure. Now Malaysia is already in the disease. To cure it is so difficult. I just hope that people can unite without looking at other people colour and race in the future.

I used to have multiple race friends when i was in Labuan. But when i enter UMS, it is all gone. Now i am sticking to my malay or sabahan friend only. why?

Because it is rubbish to say UMS in not a racist University compare to other university. The university itself is not racist. However, the student living inside it, bring their propaganda, agenda, lifestyle, into UMS and change how 1malaysia supposed to look like here in this U. I guess all student should be taught regarding relationship between other race. If not, later, even here in sabah there will be a lot of racist coming out.

chow.

Do i hate goverment?

2009-07-14T06:06:00.000-07:00

This is not a political entry. But i hate those people working with the goverment as they are the one who rule this country. I guess the one who rule this country is those people up there, YOUR SUPERIOR, and not you. So please throw a smile to customer.

Road on becoming a nerd

2009-07-05T08:58:00.001-07:00

1. People try to find their way to run from becoming a nerd. Wherever you go, nerd always being labeled as the lowest person in a cast. I cannot. I just cannot. Why is that? Because i live the way i used to be. And in fact, maybe im becoming one.

2. I don't have a cool childhood experience. All i remember when i was a child, is im the one who people depend with; to bring my family out from the poverty and being look down by many people.

3. Today, all i do is sitting in front of my computer, or study, have my meal, go watch movie, and nothing else. No party, no club, no anything. I am a man with religion also, i believed what i learn and i will learn more.

4. The only thing i love to do is to write something, tell a story to someone and think. I love to think and be opened to everything. That is why sometimes i call myself a free thinker. Sometime i doubt a lot of thing. And i study what i doubt. However, i got rules. I will never step over the line because i'm fine with the line that i draw earlier.

5. Now im 23, i don't give a damn and hell about being a nerd or being a cool or anything. What is important to me is to be myself. I love being myself. I love speaking with my own mind and did not involved others in my thinking. All my opinion is from the bottom of my heart or from the cortex of my brain. I never take someone opinion and burst it like mine.

6. That is why i sometimes became so offensive. I always look at everything around me. Every lines that are not straight, i would always write about it, make a journal and notes about it. My only reason is for people to think and somehow notice that anomalies other than me.

7. And i hate face to face. Every primitive creatures in the planet keep holding this primitive principle. What happen with this principle, look around. Who always throw a line like this? Calling the opponent face to face? simple, dictators, and gangs. Bad people. Impatient people. The world is changing. If you can see today, indirect attack bring more changes than a direct one. That is why i guess, everything we do must have an agenda. That is why Obama make speech in cairo, and every leader in the world have a speech on their own. that is why a terrorist bomb a train or bus. Blog, email, facebook, twitter is proven to be more and more effective in bringing changes.

8. And lastly, a writer lie to tell the truth, and a politician lie to cover the truth. What i am trying to do is to tell the truth. How i feel about something. What a waste if i tell the truth to a person if i can tell it to millions of them. Do you remember the open letter by Tun Mahathir and lot of open letter to destroy the medical school reputation. I call the second coward. But what the first done is clever. If a notes or letter ot anythng goes to your enemy, what will they do about it?

this is why, an open policy is so important. Transparent policy. The art of writing to touch many.

I keep my promise since the year 2006 when i closed my previous blog. My promise is to write a very sharp sentences without puting someone's name in it so that i will make sure that no one will be identified directly. If you are hardworking enough, read all my writing. They are some writing where i put a name and diss and mock that person directly when i'm completely goes insane and mad about that person. I will do it if necessary.